A New Choose Your Own Adventure

[Bloodcider]

Since apparently you're not Tom, immediately check to see if you're Adam or Terry. If so, commit seppuku at once. If not, then proceed to tell everyone else to shut the fuck up since this is still your goddamn adventure and you have the motherfucking wooden sword.

[Scruffington]

While everyone is busy shouting, you confirm that you are, in fact, Adam or Terry. Kneeling down, you attempt to plunge your wooden katana directly through your stomach. However, being a wooden sword, it's not very sharp, and the process is moderately painful. Once you realize you will not succeed in going out in a blaze of glory, you stand up and start mouthing off to everyone. "Shut up!" You shout, waving your arms, "This is my adventure and I have the sword, so we'll do what I say!" This - coupled with your attempted suicide - seems to have gotten their attention, and they wait for your next order.

What do you say now?

[Jinglis]

MY SOCKS ARE OFF!!!!

[Scruffington]

"MY SOCKS ARE OFF!" You scream, breaking the silence. Everyone looks around the circle awkwardly, except for Tom, who seems to find your statement surprisingly hilarious. He claps for a while in amusement, and Dave throws his drywall dust at him to shut him up. Dave is now weaponless, and Tom is temporarily blinded.

What now, fearless leader?

[Jinglis]

you call dave a shit weasel wash toms eyes out and head for the rolla in an attempt to find somewhere to loot for weapons

[Bloodcider]

Spit in Tom's eyes to help him wash the dust out.

[Scruffington]

"You shit weasel!" You shout, in between hawking up massive amounts of phlegm into your hand and forcefully rubbing it into Tom's eyes, "You're a real piece of shit, you cockass!" Dave giggles while Tom tries not to vomit out of sheer disgust for what you have done, and the five of you pile into the Corolla, and start off towards downtown. The only place you all know of that would have a significant amount of weaponry is the local Sport Mart. Tom is in no condition to drive, so you take the wheel.

You are now driving on the road. The streets are a little empty, so you should arrive shortly. What do you do in the mean time?

[Bloodcider]

Let Tom drive. He's always in the condition to drive, Adam or Terry, and taking his Corolla is just rude.

Also start swirving all over the road just to be an ass and look cool.

[Jinglis]

play the Chinese fire drill every chance you get this includes at stop lights and every sighting of a zombie

*** edit
only play Chinese fire drill in the event that they are dawn of the dead (circa 1974) zombies ... if 28 days later zombies.. fuck that run their asses over

[Bloodcider]

Try to fit in La Cucaracha at some point as well.

[Jinglis]

o yeah that would be nice

[Scruffington]

You start to swerve all over the road, but it's okay because you're laughing while you do it and the streets are mostly empty, so everyone in the car starts laughing. While you're all laughing, Tom presses the horn and La Cucaracha starts playing. Between bouts of laughter, he shouts, "I spent all my tuition on that fucking horn!" This brings on more laughter, and you decide that it's time to amp up the fun by a few thousand degrees.

"CHINESE FUCKING FIREDRILL!" You shout, slamming on the brakes. Everyone jumps out of the car, and before you know it, James elbows you in the stomach and takes the wheel. You immediately start to vomit - because James is really tough and throws a mean 'bow - and as the Corolla speeds away without you in it, you can vaguely make out even more laughter as Tom shouts something about Montana. "Shit weasels," You cough, spitting up what looks like a bit of your intestines, "Fucking SHIT WEASELS." You clearly have some hilarious friends. Luckily, they left you outside the Sport Mart.

What now?

[Bloodcider]

Be ironic and don't go into the sport mart. Go into whatever is across the street from it instead.
If there isn't a building (I obviously don't know shit about canada, though I assume you only have like five up there so this is a real possiblity) use your death mix and your wooden sword to set the local plant life on fire as a message to your friends.

Yes I'm aware you already drank the death mix. But you haven't peeded yet so that means you still have it.

[Jinglis]

if you find a tea cosy, try it on!